my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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