I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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