fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
