Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
