really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
