maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
