Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
