I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
