hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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