yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
