I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
