WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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