Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
