I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
