Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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