What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
