It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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