What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
