If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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