My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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