I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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