Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
