He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
