HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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