cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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