Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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