That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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