dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
