Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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