i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
