Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
