Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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