this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
