well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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