I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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