we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
