he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
