we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I die, sorry about rent.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
