Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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