Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
