onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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