I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
