I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
