9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
