I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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