please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
