every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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