It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
