So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
