went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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