Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
