it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
