I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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