i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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