You really coming over, don't trick.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
