Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize