How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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