How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
