having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
