either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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