She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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