Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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