it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
