I hate all girls vehemently.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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