I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
