This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize