How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize