I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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