What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
