I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
