so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
