this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
