i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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