This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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