Apparently you make a good broom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
