I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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