She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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