Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
