Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
