Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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