so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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