I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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