Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
