there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
