oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
