She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
