when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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