Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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