I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
