I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
