considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize