His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
