I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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