Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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