she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
