Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
