I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize