Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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