I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
