There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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