And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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