wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
