Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
