And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
