so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
