Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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